pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize