I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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