I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
