Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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