i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Randomize
