that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
