Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
