Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
