I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
