I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
