So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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