I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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