You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
