quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
