just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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