i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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