You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
