Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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