when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
