Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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