I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
