soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
