Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
