the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
