The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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