Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize