she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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