Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
