OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
