Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
