trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
