apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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