is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
