question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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