thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
