Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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