it wasn't lemon gatorade
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
