She's JV to your varsity
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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