so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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