After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
