last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
