@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
