A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
