Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
