even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
