I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
