I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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