I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
