Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
