i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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