I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
