i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
