What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
