you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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