i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
