Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
