Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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