she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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