Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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