when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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