There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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