i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
