Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
