69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
