oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
