We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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