Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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