I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
