I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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