I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
