I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
