we made out on top of his cat.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just pee around me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
