I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
