We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
