You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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