Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
