I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
