Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
